The "Butt Gun" and other Thai advancements

A wiseman once said "Hot dog technology in Thailand is light years ahead of other countries."

That man was correct. But, he neglected to mention that the Thais also cook fried chicken and donuts better than we do. They're beating us at our own game, America!

If you walk down any street in Bangkok, you can purchase any variety of foods. Fried chicken, hot dogs, rotis (delicious crepe-style dishes), various soups and rice dishes, pizza, or whatever your heart desires. While the selections vary, all food is accompanied by some sort of delicious chili sauce, which unites this cornucopia of flavor in one regard: All of it will make you shit.

Living in Bangkok, especially as I do, is an invitation for a Texas Hat Trick on a daily basis. Shitting becomes like brushing your teeth (for responsible people): you do it after every meal, in addition to after waking up and before going to bed. With all this time spent in the bathroom, you'd think my anus would just be a devastated crimson wasteland, right? WRONG. Thankfully, my bathroom comes equipped with the Butt Gun, the most miraculous invention since the Slap Chop.

The Butt Gun is a spray hose, exactly like one you'd find on your average kitchen sink. However, this hose is located directly next to the toilet. Once you've released a stream of piping hot liquid death from your nether regions (for the third time that day), do you really want to scrape open your fun-hole with fistfuls of white cotton sandpaper? Of course you don't. Enter the Butt Gun. Now, instead of taking a scorched-earth policy with your puckered dumper, you can spray a refreshing jet of cool water all over your still-burning hindparts. Remember that commercial where the people get hit with things, only those things turn to water upon hitting the peoples' faces? It's a lot like that, only instead of a refreshing shave, it's an ocean of calm for your tortured shitter. You can leave the bathroom without worrying whether your bloody butthole is staining your freshly laundered underwear. In fact, you can leave the bathroom without worrying about anything! With the Butt Gun, there's a spring in your step and peace in your pants.