Lions/Saints: 2nd Half

(1st half found below)

They just announced that Madonna will be the Super Bowl halftime performer. How many lumberjacks to I have to fuck to get GWAR to play at the Super Bowl? (Answer: at least 100,000. Probably all double anal.) Incidentally, Matt Leinart is sporting an amazing mustache. Why couldn't he have gone to Seattle, gotten the band back together with ol' Pete, and been the first mustachioed Super Bowl-winning QB in I don't know how many years? Well, other than the fact that he's not very good at football.

2nd half

• Another good run by Kevin Smith. He is like half the speed of Jahvid Best, which makes you wonder how bad Best's vision actually is, that I guy that slow makes entirely better runs than him.
• Nate Burleson and Calvin Johnson have to be the best stiff-arming combination of WRs in the NFL. Remember that great TD against Tampa last year? Oh, wait, nevermind. Nate grabbed the facemask. C'mon, man.
• Kevin Smith is just limping all over the place. He just straight fell down in the open field. How is he more productive than Jahvid Best (side question: how many yards would Best be gaining tonight).
• And...now Kevin Smith is officially out. 80 total yards. Lots of effort.
  
• Hyundai (maybe it was Honda) just had an advertisement with some middle-class white guys rapping about the assorted features (that I assume come standard) with the car. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Oh, yes I am. It was awful.
• Jeff Backus is starting his 173rd straight game. I don't care how you feel about him (I go back and forth, honestly), but that is awesome. Congrats, Jeff.
• Maurice Morris runs headfirst into the pile like he's the Module from TMNT, and he's going to drill through. It works, sort of, I guess.
• 3rd and 1 becomes 3rd and 16 because Titus Young throws a goddamn punch after the whistle. Field goal attempt. Again: C'mon, man. 24-10. Now, in one of life's great ironies, Dominic Raiola is yelling at Titus Young for making a stupid mistake in anger. I think Brett Favre used to criticize Aaron Rodgers for making dumb throws, too. (Just kidding; he criticized him for sending dick pics.)
  
• New show on NBC: Who's Still Standing?, a quiz show where a wrong answer gets you dropped through the floor. "Where do they go? Who cares!" (I hope it's into a pit of broken glass and medical waste.)
• I just realized that most of these commercials are probably old news to you. But, since I no longer watch television (or at least, American television), at least 80 percent of these ads are brand new to me. It's like the Super Bowl!
• Amari Spievey was just called "one of the fastest safeties in the game." I don't think that's even close to true. His lack of speed was highlighted as a reason for his conversion from CB. He's probably an average-speed S.
• Eric Wright should've just had an INT, possibly for six. Now the Leos have the ball on the 10 after the punt. So many small opportunities, so many small wastes.
  
• My host's son is watching the game with me now. It is very hard to explain football to someone who doesn't watch it, and speaks almost no English.
• Jeff Backus has the lowest winning percentage of any NFL player in history (.269 [min: 130 games]).
• Rashied Davis just had a huge catch. I was positive it was going the other way, and he got drilled. Best catch of the game.
• Great catch by Nate Burleson. Push off, Nate Burleson. C'mon, man. Nate, I love you! Stop doing this to me!
• Lions: 7 penalties, 58 yards. Saints: 0 penalties.
• 3rd and 14. Megatron is open, and underthrown. That is a motherfucking touchdown, Matthew. Does it seem like that's happened a lot?
  
• Illegal contact on the Saints. 1st down. What an absolute gift.
• Al and Cris discuss that the Lions might need to address the OL, and then describe Stephen Peterman as "the most consistent of their linemen." Look, just say you don't know anything about the Lions, and leave it at that, man.
  
• Touchdown, MoMo. Seven points. Let's see what Brees does here. Scheffler had some words with the Saints defender after his big catch. What do you think his TD celebration would be against NOLA? He already half-Tebowed, so praying is out. Do you think he'd act like he was carrying a cross (or doing something similarly holy), and then have one of his teammates murder him (thus making him a martyr), after which he would somehow mimic an ascent to Heaven?
  
• Cris just claimed that he had Greg Landry's football card (he was the Lions' last Pro Bowl QB). Unless you're prepared to launch into an extensive discussion of your theoretical card collection, I'm just calling bullshit. Show me the card, Cris.
• How long do you think it is until KVB gets replaced on the defensive line? LoJack and my nigga Willie Young are ready now. Vanden Bosch is a big reason for the resurgence, and I love him, but he is getting older, and he was never the best athlete to begin with.
• Stefan Logan just threw the ball at an opposing player. Is this a joke? What a crazy fucking thing to do. I'm not even that mad about it; it's so ridiculous it's kind of awesome, especially since Nate just caught a 46-yarder.
• 3rd and 12. Tipped at the line of scrimmage. Goddamn it. You have to at least gain some goddamn yards there, guys. Come on. Jason Hanson's 55-yard attempt is wide left. And, you take a gift from Nate (that should have been a touchdown, anyway), and just poop all over it. You just pooped everywhere. The ribbon is dripping with feces.
• Why is there a Pearl Harbor exhibit in New Orleans?
• I've been hearing Aaron Berry's name a lot tonight, and not in a bad way. Cris Collinsworth is saying the Lions drafted Spievey with the intention of converting him. I'm almost positive that's false.
• 3rd and 7 converted to Jimmy Graham. 1st down, 14 yard completion to Graham (wide open). Coverage is breaking down, here. They're in FG range. That FG block and the miss are really big right now.
• Our pass rush is goddamn pathetic right now. There is nothing. Cliff and KVB are invisible. After Fairley's injury, the interior hasn't collapsed a single pocket that I can think of.
  
• Touchdown, Saints. GOD MOTHERFUCKING DAMN IT. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
• This commercial is advertising the new Droid as being self-aware. How is this acceptable? The apocalypse is among us, and we're packaging it, selling it, and laughing about it. Of course it's "too powerful to fall into the wrong hands." It's too powerful to exist! Skynet is among us! (Side note: the other night in Sao Paulo, I watched a movie called "The Brotha from Another Planet" starring the guy that played Miles Bennett Dyson, along with a who's-who of B-list black actors. It was riveting.)
• Small featurette highlighting the Lions' dumb mistakes. I am having an aneurysm.
• The Saints are just giving the Leos everything underneath. Not surprisingly. 8:30 left.
• Another push-off by Nate. His wily veteran tricks are really hurting us tonight.
• Blitz by the Saints, and MoMo drops the fucking pass. Are you kidding me, man. Are you kidding me. That was going 30 yards minimum.
• 4th and 13. Here we go. I am slowly slipping into the throws of depression. You are punting?! Are you losing your shit completely right now? Why the fuck are you punting?!
• The Lions jump off. Cris Collinsworth launches into a tirade about how the Lions don't have championship experience and the Saints do, and how calmly Brees got his five yards. The Lions don't have discipline, what have you. The referee then says the Lions got back onside. Collinsworth, trapped, refuses to agree with the ref.
• Collinsworth did just give The Ballhawk some props, so there's that.
• 3rd push-off by Nate. This is just inexcusable. Put Rashied Davis in or something.
• Personal foul by The Perfect TE. Something has to be done about this.
• 4th down. INT. Game. Thanks for playing. God damn it, they're so much better than this.