My startling realization of the day: All these presentations of human trafficking are giving me way too much inspiration for Beast Warrior.
That is all.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
For PR purposes, I won't go into last night.
But you'd better be ready for the first of (I imagine) many good stories I will tell at the next annual dude retreat. I miss you boys.
Congratulations on your first (right?) kickball home run. I'm swelling up with pride like a father whose son just took his first steps. If you keep practicing (and drinking excessively), perhaps someday you will reach the Chris Tomke level of achievement. My lifetime stats include three home runs. Boom. I am relishing the thought of kickball teams engaging in a bidding war for my services upon my (theoretical) return. Whoever doles out the most drinks and sexual favors will likely be victorious in gaining my skill and unbridled passion.
Side note, because I just thought of this: We were in Belize about 10 days ago, and were hanging out with some Jesuit volunteers. Good people. Anyway, during that time, one of the girls decides she's going to have the group create a haiku, unbeknowst to us. So, out of nowhere, she asks me to give her a five-syllable phrase. My immediate response is "One...two...BUCKLE IT!" I thought you would enjoy that.
Yeah, I caught the Lions game. Regarding Stafford, it's true he hasn't looked great the last two weeks (not that I saw the SF game), he's definitely not getting any help from the line, and he's still not turning the ball over much. I think he'll be fine. If Recepticon doesn't drop that pass in the 4th quarter, maybe they come back and score, anyway.
I am sad to hear that my apartment has become a hub of feminine activity. What a sad state of affairs when the sounds of girlish gossip replace those of our historically insensitive battle-rapping. I don't want to talk about boys; I want to spit verses about how genocide is an appropriate solution to life's problems. However, regarding cooking and drinking fruity drinks, I did that kind of stuff all the time. I guess it was okay though, because I normally had metal blaring while I did it. Cooking a delicious meal: Way more masculine if "Raining Blood" is playing.
If my hosts have anything to say about it, the odds favor you being harmed more. Everyone is incredibly nice, and it's awesome getting free room and board and delicious meals, but they fret about us constantly. We are staying in the safest neighborhood around San Jose. Weird. I guess that comes with traveling with Katie, though. No one wants to be responsible for harm coming to Miss Michigan. Me, they're probably indifferent about.
On a side note, there are no guns out in the open in San Jose. How am I supposed to feel safe?!
Central America: Where the nature is beautiful, and the cities kind of suck. (Although San Jose is actually pretty cool.)
Love,
Dogg
Congratulations on your first (right?) kickball home run. I'm swelling up with pride like a father whose son just took his first steps. If you keep practicing (and drinking excessively), perhaps someday you will reach the Chris Tomke level of achievement. My lifetime stats include three home runs. Boom. I am relishing the thought of kickball teams engaging in a bidding war for my services upon my (theoretical) return. Whoever doles out the most drinks and sexual favors will likely be victorious in gaining my skill and unbridled passion.
Side note, because I just thought of this: We were in Belize about 10 days ago, and were hanging out with some Jesuit volunteers. Good people. Anyway, during that time, one of the girls decides she's going to have the group create a haiku, unbeknowst to us. So, out of nowhere, she asks me to give her a five-syllable phrase. My immediate response is "One...two...BUCKLE IT!" I thought you would enjoy that.
Yeah, I caught the Lions game. Regarding Stafford, it's true he hasn't looked great the last two weeks (not that I saw the SF game), he's definitely not getting any help from the line, and he's still not turning the ball over much. I think he'll be fine. If Recepticon doesn't drop that pass in the 4th quarter, maybe they come back and score, anyway.
I am sad to hear that my apartment has become a hub of feminine activity. What a sad state of affairs when the sounds of girlish gossip replace those of our historically insensitive battle-rapping. I don't want to talk about boys; I want to spit verses about how genocide is an appropriate solution to life's problems. However, regarding cooking and drinking fruity drinks, I did that kind of stuff all the time. I guess it was okay though, because I normally had metal blaring while I did it. Cooking a delicious meal: Way more masculine if "Raining Blood" is playing.
If my hosts have anything to say about it, the odds favor you being harmed more. Everyone is incredibly nice, and it's awesome getting free room and board and delicious meals, but they fret about us constantly. We are staying in the safest neighborhood around San Jose. Weird. I guess that comes with traveling with Katie, though. No one wants to be responsible for harm coming to Miss Michigan. Me, they're probably indifferent about.
On a side note, there are no guns out in the open in San Jose. How am I supposed to feel safe?!
Central America: Where the nature is beautiful, and the cities kind of suck. (Although San Jose is actually pretty cool.)
Love,
Dogg
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Equal Parts Busy, Drunk and Lazy
I am so sorry that I worried you, my boy.
As the headline suggests, my time has been consumed by work, drink and general lounging (which is much more time-consuming than one might think). I will try my best to maintain some sort of consistent posting from here on, so that you don't have to worry about my safety. It really gets back to our discussion as to who is more likely to die (or come to serious bodily harm) during the next year: you (by traveling the world and being in generally dangerous situations) or me (by drinking more than is recommended or safe).
The Passion Tsunami lost 9-7 this past week, although if you take out the first inning (which you can't), it was like 7-4. Or something like that. Look, the score doesn't matter, because I kicked a goddamn home run. And I realize that if we had an official scorer, or this was baseball, it would have been scored a triple with an error, but THIS IS KICKBALL. HOME RUN. Unfortunately, our team continues its tradition of not knowing the rules or generally having a knowledge of sports, so we lost. You know I only play for the personal statistics, though. I'm holding out for a lucrative contract in the offseason, and if Brandon doesn't show me the money, I am out of there.
The Lions also lost, unfortunately. I think you saw the game against the Falcons, so I really don't need to go into much details. Stafford is back practicing, despite the injury, but he really needs to step his game up. Him and the offensive line have looked bad. So has the defensive line to be completely honest. They can't stop the run, and everytime they do, it's a penalty.
I visited your sweet Squeaks and Olmsted on Monday, just to verify that they are still alive. They are, but they also mourn for you. We all do. I also got a haircut while I was up there, and Colleen tried to give me a shot, but I didn't want one. Now that I think about it, your apartment seems much less dude-like without you. I mean, Squeaks and Olmsted were there, but they were outnumbered by females (not counting Brandon and I). Colleen, X were all there, doing distinctly feminine things (drinking fruity drinks, gossipping, cooking), and it really set me aback. I need Spartacus to start up so I can go there and just see dicks. So many dicks (and blood).
I got pretty ham-jammed on both Friday and Saturday evenings in the town of East Lansing. I don't know if you caught the Michigan State-Wisconsin game, but if not, you should do some research. When they caught that hail mary at the end of the game, shit got wild. I didn't go to State (as I hope you know), but I still partied like it. The shots were flowing, and thanks to our connect at the bar, I barely had to pay anything for them. Needless to say, I indulged. At the tailgate on Saturday, I came perilously close to fighting a girl. She poured a drink on my head for no reason (seriously, I didn't even say anything to her!) and then ran away. After that, I tried to fight her husband, but he was not up to the task, plus Arj didn't want me to. Arj is a man of peace, as you well know.
Anyway, my lunch break is up, so I should probably get back to work. Just know that I need you!
Dave
As the headline suggests, my time has been consumed by work, drink and general lounging (which is much more time-consuming than one might think). I will try my best to maintain some sort of consistent posting from here on, so that you don't have to worry about my safety. It really gets back to our discussion as to who is more likely to die (or come to serious bodily harm) during the next year: you (by traveling the world and being in generally dangerous situations) or me (by drinking more than is recommended or safe).
The Passion Tsunami lost 9-7 this past week, although if you take out the first inning (which you can't), it was like 7-4. Or something like that. Look, the score doesn't matter, because I kicked a goddamn home run. And I realize that if we had an official scorer, or this was baseball, it would have been scored a triple with an error, but THIS IS KICKBALL. HOME RUN. Unfortunately, our team continues its tradition of not knowing the rules or generally having a knowledge of sports, so we lost. You know I only play for the personal statistics, though. I'm holding out for a lucrative contract in the offseason, and if Brandon doesn't show me the money, I am out of there.
The Lions also lost, unfortunately. I think you saw the game against the Falcons, so I really don't need to go into much details. Stafford is back practicing, despite the injury, but he really needs to step his game up. Him and the offensive line have looked bad. So has the defensive line to be completely honest. They can't stop the run, and everytime they do, it's a penalty.
I visited your sweet Squeaks and Olmsted on Monday, just to verify that they are still alive. They are, but they also mourn for you. We all do. I also got a haircut while I was up there, and Colleen tried to give me a shot, but I didn't want one. Now that I think about it, your apartment seems much less dude-like without you. I mean, Squeaks and Olmsted were there, but they were outnumbered by females (not counting Brandon and I). Colleen, X were all there, doing distinctly feminine things (drinking fruity drinks, gossipping, cooking), and it really set me aback. I need Spartacus to start up so I can go there and just see dicks. So many dicks (and blood).
I got pretty ham-jammed on both Friday and Saturday evenings in the town of East Lansing. I don't know if you caught the Michigan State-Wisconsin game, but if not, you should do some research. When they caught that hail mary at the end of the game, shit got wild. I didn't go to State (as I hope you know), but I still partied like it. The shots were flowing, and thanks to our connect at the bar, I barely had to pay anything for them. Needless to say, I indulged. At the tailgate on Saturday, I came perilously close to fighting a girl. She poured a drink on my head for no reason (seriously, I didn't even say anything to her!) and then ran away. After that, I tried to fight her husband, but he was not up to the task, plus Arj didn't want me to. Arj is a man of peace, as you well know.
Anyway, my lunch break is up, so I should probably get back to work. Just know that I need you!
Dave
Monday, October 24, 2011
I do so hope for your safety.
My dearest David,
Have I angered you in some way? Have the Lions' losses so infuriated you that you are unable to communicate? It has been nearly a week since your last post, and I do so miss your hazy recollections of the previous night's escapades. Please write soon, for winter approaches, and I would like to know that you are not face down in a ditch somewhere (or, if you are, in which case I will at least have closure). My brain is far too focused from lack of partying, so I must party vicariously through you. I need you, brother.
I am speaking so much Spanish and seeing so many shapely Costa Rican women. Many of them are young mothers! Mamacitas!! I secretly hope that in private, our Spanish-speaking companions refer to me as "El Gringo Grande." I am a head taller than everyone. They wouldn't even know what to do with themselves if Dave Olmsted came down. He would be worshipped as a god. A god!
In other news, my diet of fresh fruits and vegetables (and lack of alcohol) has caused my daily bowel movements to become thrice-daily bowel movements, and they are all what famed character actor Chris Noth would describe as "religious, euphoric experiences." (He underwent the same thing in Turkey.)
How is the Passion Tsunami?! I must have word of your victories upon the field of battle. Send word by raven as soon as you can.
Love,
Dogg
Have I angered you in some way? Have the Lions' losses so infuriated you that you are unable to communicate? It has been nearly a week since your last post, and I do so miss your hazy recollections of the previous night's escapades. Please write soon, for winter approaches, and I would like to know that you are not face down in a ditch somewhere (or, if you are, in which case I will at least have closure). My brain is far too focused from lack of partying, so I must party vicariously through you. I need you, brother.
I am speaking so much Spanish and seeing so many shapely Costa Rican women. Many of them are young mothers! Mamacitas!! I secretly hope that in private, our Spanish-speaking companions refer to me as "El Gringo Grande." I am a head taller than everyone. They wouldn't even know what to do with themselves if Dave Olmsted came down. He would be worshipped as a god. A god!
In other news, my diet of fresh fruits and vegetables (and lack of alcohol) has caused my daily bowel movements to become thrice-daily bowel movements, and they are all what famed character actor Chris Noth would describe as "religious, euphoric experiences." (He underwent the same thing in Turkey.)
How is the Passion Tsunami?! I must have word of your victories upon the field of battle. Send word by raven as soon as you can.
Love,
Dogg
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
A riddle
If you take three craps in the span of 90 minutes, but they're all large and solid, is it still considered diarrhea?
I am the storm god.
Hey, Brother,
Do you know that when you Google the name of this blog, the first results are lyrics to "Everything Zen" by Bush? I'm pretty sure you owned a Bush album at one point, because that band is awful, and you used to have awful taste in music (as opposed to me, who was rippin' it up to Godsmack and taking life to the max!).
Anyway. It has been raining almost the entire time I've been in Central America. Nowhere have the effects been felt more than in El Salvador, where we are now in the 10th (I believe) straight day of rain. As of yesterday, they'd gotten like 54 inches in the past eight days. Entire groups of people (i.e., the poor) have been forced to evacuate their homes due to the flooding. Our bus trip here took an extra two hours because of landslides closing down major roads. Clearly Central America has angered the gods. There must be a blood sacrifice, provided it's not me.
You'd really enjoy where I'm staying. It's in the U.S. compound, next to the American school (at which our hosts teaches). So, inside our little bubble, it's entirely Americans, except for the maids and janitors, which is a little bit ridiculous. The maid just woke me up to come do laundry. I don't even know how she got here, with the flooding. Thankfully, my Spanish is improving, by which I mean I'm no longer uncomfortable not knowing what the fuck anyone is saying. As long as you smile and kind of laugh after every broken sentence, Salvadoreans are totally cool with you! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
That's all for now, brother. I may or may not be in Costa Rica tomorrow. We'll see how the gods decide.
-Doggins
Do you know that when you Google the name of this blog, the first results are lyrics to "Everything Zen" by Bush? I'm pretty sure you owned a Bush album at one point, because that band is awful, and you used to have awful taste in music (as opposed to me, who was rippin' it up to Godsmack and taking life to the max!).
Anyway. It has been raining almost the entire time I've been in Central America. Nowhere have the effects been felt more than in El Salvador, where we are now in the 10th (I believe) straight day of rain. As of yesterday, they'd gotten like 54 inches in the past eight days. Entire groups of people (i.e., the poor) have been forced to evacuate their homes due to the flooding. Our bus trip here took an extra two hours because of landslides closing down major roads. Clearly Central America has angered the gods. There must be a blood sacrifice, provided it's not me.
You'd really enjoy where I'm staying. It's in the U.S. compound, next to the American school (at which our hosts teaches). So, inside our little bubble, it's entirely Americans, except for the maids and janitors, which is a little bit ridiculous. The maid just woke me up to come do laundry. I don't even know how she got here, with the flooding. Thankfully, my Spanish is improving, by which I mean I'm no longer uncomfortable not knowing what the fuck anyone is saying. As long as you smile and kind of laugh after every broken sentence, Salvadoreans are totally cool with you! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
That's all for now, brother. I may or may not be in Costa Rica tomorrow. We'll see how the gods decide.
-Doggins
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