My sweet boy,
I just got Internet for the first time in like three days. I had no idea how the Lions or Tigers did until about an hour ago. Man, ol' Jimmy really did fly off the handle, there.
We're now in San Salvador, which is like all other major Central American cities thus far: If you value your possessions and/or personal safety, don't go walking around. We've been on a bus for what seems like three days. On Thursday, we'll be riding another bus for 17 hours to Costa Rica, which I assume will be filled with beaches, rainforests, fruity drinks, and beautiful Central American asses covered in cocoa butter.
I'm very tired, and I'm crashing momentarily. I promise I'll write something with more wit and substance tomorrow morning. Heart!
-Doggins
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Hindsight
Things you should do between a Tigers ALCS night game and an undefeated Lions morning game:
1) Sleep
2) Drink fluids
3) Eat something
Things you should not do between a Tigers ALCS night game and an undefeated Lions morning game:
1) Go to Excalibur with Olmsted while Colleen is working until 4 a.m.
Details to follow after today's victory by the Lions.
1) Sleep
2) Drink fluids
3) Eat something
Things you should not do between a Tigers ALCS night game and an undefeated Lions morning game:
1) Go to Excalibur with Olmsted while Colleen is working until 4 a.m.
Details to follow after today's victory by the Lions.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My love of street food has dangerous consequences.
David,
I had a solid bowel movement today. It was the first such bowel movement I've had in five days.
That is all.
Go Tigers.
Love,
Chris
I had a solid bowel movement today. It was the first such bowel movement I've had in five days.
That is all.
Go Tigers.
Love,
Chris
Tigers Lose - Ron Washington Also Loses
Because the Tigers losing wasn't enough shit in the first place:
Those words of praise probably don't resonate with Napoli as much as manager Ron Washington's tribute to his game. "Mike Napoli -- I call him a dirt bag, because that's the way he plays," Washington said.
Mike Napoli is actually good at baseball, so he should resent this.
Those words of praise probably don't resonate with Napoli as much as manager Ron Washington's tribute to his game. "Mike Napoli -- I call him a dirt bag, because that's the way he plays," Washington said.
Mike Napoli is actually good at baseball, so he should resent this.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Taking advantage of strangers' kindness and local products: Tips for the traveling drinker
David,
The Lions' 5-0 start has effectively shrunk my pants to child-size. Is there a greater human being in football than Calvin Johnson?! Probably not! Is there a greater defensive end in football than Willie Young?! Probably!
I'm glad to hear you celebrated the Lions victory among like-minded individuals, but I think that violates the spirit of Tomke sports antagonism. I suffered the insults of Bears fans for too long to barricade myself in a Detroit bar while the Lions dropped dick. So, instead, I left the country, where literally no one gives a shit about American football. (On a side note, I met some friendly Canadians who were avid Saskatchewan Roughriders fans.) Moving on...
Traveling on a budget is hard, particularly when you enjoy the food and drink as much as we do. However, when you're visiting a region in which rum is a local export, why not take advantage of the cut-rate prices? You're supporting local businesses, experiencing exotic local products, and if you have no standards regarding your mixer, you can get a buzz on for next to nothing!
Katie and I went out to Caye Caulker this past weekend. It's essentially an island getaway, and as some would call it, "touristy." When compared with Belize City, I assume "touristy" is synonymous with "clean," "safe," and unfortunately "expensive." Not to worry, though: Before boarding our water taxi, we had the foresight to buy our supplies in the city. So, we purchased a fifth of Traveler's Rum for the price of $11 BZ ($5.50 US), along with some packets of Tang ($0.58 BZ/0.29 US), and with the water taken from the surprisingly clean taps, we were off to the races (of drunkenness)!
Speaking of Tang, Central American countries have an uncanny fascination with the shit. We selected our packets from among a dozen or so different flavors (our selections: Mango, Strawberry-Orange), but the aforementioned Canadians told us that in Mexico, there are entire aisles with nothing but Tang. It's a cornucopia of artificial flavor!
Other than that, it definitely benefits you be around people who also drink, and are sympathetic to your budgetary issues. For instance, we're currently in the capital of Belmopan, staying with Katie's friends Joan and Andy (who are awesome people, incidentally). When we pulled up yesterday, Andy and his boys were drinking and playing Dominoes. Immediately upon saying hello, Andy offered me a beer. It was barely past noon, but who am I to turn down an offer of such generosity? That beer turned into another three or four, which then turned into a couple fifths of rum. Total cost: $0.
Anyway, I don't know what else to write here that I won't write in my other, more respectable blog. Go Lions.
-Doggins
The Lions' 5-0 start has effectively shrunk my pants to child-size. Is there a greater human being in football than Calvin Johnson?! Probably not! Is there a greater defensive end in football than Willie Young?! Probably!
I'm glad to hear you celebrated the Lions victory among like-minded individuals, but I think that violates the spirit of Tomke sports antagonism. I suffered the insults of Bears fans for too long to barricade myself in a Detroit bar while the Lions dropped dick. So, instead, I left the country, where literally no one gives a shit about American football. (On a side note, I met some friendly Canadians who were avid Saskatchewan Roughriders fans.) Moving on...
Traveling on a budget is hard, particularly when you enjoy the food and drink as much as we do. However, when you're visiting a region in which rum is a local export, why not take advantage of the cut-rate prices? You're supporting local businesses, experiencing exotic local products, and if you have no standards regarding your mixer, you can get a buzz on for next to nothing!
Katie and I went out to Caye Caulker this past weekend. It's essentially an island getaway, and as some would call it, "touristy." When compared with Belize City, I assume "touristy" is synonymous with "clean," "safe," and unfortunately "expensive." Not to worry, though: Before boarding our water taxi, we had the foresight to buy our supplies in the city. So, we purchased a fifth of Traveler's Rum for the price of $11 BZ ($5.50 US), along with some packets of Tang ($0.58 BZ/0.29 US), and with the water taken from the surprisingly clean taps, we were off to the races (of drunkenness)!
Speaking of Tang, Central American countries have an uncanny fascination with the shit. We selected our packets from among a dozen or so different flavors (our selections: Mango, Strawberry-Orange), but the aforementioned Canadians told us that in Mexico, there are entire aisles with nothing but Tang. It's a cornucopia of artificial flavor!
Other than that, it definitely benefits you be around people who also drink, and are sympathetic to your budgetary issues. For instance, we're currently in the capital of Belmopan, staying with Katie's friends Joan and Andy (who are awesome people, incidentally). When we pulled up yesterday, Andy and his boys were drinking and playing Dominoes. Immediately upon saying hello, Andy offered me a beer. It was barely past noon, but who am I to turn down an offer of such generosity? That beer turned into another three or four, which then turned into a couple fifths of rum. Total cost: $0.
Anyway, I don't know what else to write here that I won't write in my other, more respectable blog. Go Lions.
-Doggins
5-0
My sweet, sweet boy:
Nights like last night are when I truly miss your presence. You would have been so passionate during the Lions game! And I am not willing to rule out that your passion would have single-handedly turned the tide in the Tigers/Rangers game.
We'll start off with a brief rundown of the Tigers game before moving onto what you must be waiting for. Really, all you need to know about the Tigers game is that, in a game tied 3-3 in the ninth inning with two outs, Gene Lamont held up Santiago at third (from first) on a double into the right-field corner by 2012 All-Star Don Kelly ("It's like they have a net out there!"). What gets me the most about this is that HE EFFECTIVELY TOOK HIS BEST HITTER OUT OF THE GAME by doing this. Cabrera was batting next, but they're obviously going to walk him with first open. If you send Santiago, he might score, and even if he doesn't, you're going to get Cabrera to bat in the ninth. But no, let's not give him a chance. Fuck you, Gene Lamont. The Tigers lost.
You know who didn't lose? THE LIONS. Because they don't ever lose. Seriously? Nine straight wins? Boner jamz.
I watched it with Brandon, Ted and Malinovich's crew at the Tin Lizzie. It was the first time I've watched a game at a "Lions bar," and I'm not going to lie, I had a great time. I was really hollerin' after every play (as was everyone). My passion reached true Chris Tomke-levels when I was standing on my chair at the bar leading Gridiron Heroes after Jahvid Best's 88-yard TD run (longer than any Barry Sanders run, oddly enough). The Tomke passion inspired the bartender to give me multiple free shots, including a Goldschlager to end the night, which I am still tasting today, unfortunately.
Seriously, though, it made me miss you, bud. I know how much you'd be enjoying this Lions run.
Nights like last night are when I truly miss your presence. You would have been so passionate during the Lions game! And I am not willing to rule out that your passion would have single-handedly turned the tide in the Tigers/Rangers game.
We'll start off with a brief rundown of the Tigers game before moving onto what you must be waiting for. Really, all you need to know about the Tigers game is that, in a game tied 3-3 in the ninth inning with two outs, Gene Lamont held up Santiago at third (from first) on a double into the right-field corner by 2012 All-Star Don Kelly ("It's like they have a net out there!"). What gets me the most about this is that HE EFFECTIVELY TOOK HIS BEST HITTER OUT OF THE GAME by doing this. Cabrera was batting next, but they're obviously going to walk him with first open. If you send Santiago, he might score, and even if he doesn't, you're going to get Cabrera to bat in the ninth. But no, let's not give him a chance. Fuck you, Gene Lamont. The Tigers lost.
You know who didn't lose? THE LIONS. Because they don't ever lose. Seriously? Nine straight wins? Boner jamz.
I watched it with Brandon, Ted and Malinovich's crew at the Tin Lizzie. It was the first time I've watched a game at a "Lions bar," and I'm not going to lie, I had a great time. I was really hollerin' after every play (as was everyone). My passion reached true Chris Tomke-levels when I was standing on my chair at the bar leading Gridiron Heroes after Jahvid Best's 88-yard TD run (longer than any Barry Sanders run, oddly enough). The Tomke passion inspired the bartender to give me multiple free shots, including a Goldschlager to end the night, which I am still tasting today, unfortunately.
Seriously, though, it made me miss you, bud. I know how much you'd be enjoying this Lions run.
Friday, October 7, 2011
I greatly desire a hammock and a big fruity drink.
David,
First, let me clear up any confusion by saying that yes, I would without a doubt skip a kickball game (non-playoffs) to watch Game 5 of the Tigs-Yanks. Who thought I wouldn't? Ted? Dunkleman? I bet it was Dunkleman.
Katie has really been the star of the show this week in Belize, but last night was my time to shine. After pallin' around with the Department of Justice and learning about how the Belizean government and police are corrupt as the dickens (and boy howdy, they sure are!), we arrived back in Belize City. Abigail (our host) and her friends took us to the Bird's Isle Restaurant and Bar yesterday evening. They're all middle to upper-middle-aged women; Katie and I are by far the youngest. Up to this point, I've mostly been quiet, polite, and generally low-key, so they have no fucking clue what's about to hit them. When my first pelvic thrust pops in their direction, they know who the real performer is. After my stirring rendition of Rebel Yell, a group of shitfaced Navy guys (U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) gives me raucous applause and at least six high-fives. An Aussie makes a point to shake my hand.
Step your game up, Dave Olmsted, because I'm taking this shit international.
You'll find that a lot of Sam and Lillian's friends will be foreigners, and probably Asian. It's in your best interest to just break off contact altogether at this point.
Anyway, I'm kind of stuck in Belize City right now, which sucks. Can't really go out at night to explore, because it's poor as shit, and I'll probably get mouthraped by 20 dudes. So, I'm pretty much staying in and waiting to take a boat out to an island tomorrow, at which point I will lay on a hammock and drink some sort of rum-filled concoction. I guess I'm experiencing the "real Belize," but I would really enjoy the fake one at this point. America!
First, let me clear up any confusion by saying that yes, I would without a doubt skip a kickball game (non-playoffs) to watch Game 5 of the Tigs-Yanks. Who thought I wouldn't? Ted? Dunkleman? I bet it was Dunkleman.
Katie has really been the star of the show this week in Belize, but last night was my time to shine. After pallin' around with the Department of Justice and learning about how the Belizean government and police are corrupt as the dickens (and boy howdy, they sure are!), we arrived back in Belize City. Abigail (our host) and her friends took us to the Bird's Isle Restaurant and Bar yesterday evening. They're all middle to upper-middle-aged women; Katie and I are by far the youngest. Up to this point, I've mostly been quiet, polite, and generally low-key, so they have no fucking clue what's about to hit them. When my first pelvic thrust pops in their direction, they know who the real performer is. After my stirring rendition of Rebel Yell, a group of shitfaced Navy guys (U.S.A.! U.S.A.!) gives me raucous applause and at least six high-fives. An Aussie makes a point to shake my hand.
Step your game up, Dave Olmsted, because I'm taking this shit international.
You'll find that a lot of Sam and Lillian's friends will be foreigners, and probably Asian. It's in your best interest to just break off contact altogether at this point.
Anyway, I'm kind of stuck in Belize City right now, which sucks. Can't really go out at night to explore, because it's poor as shit, and I'll probably get mouthraped by 20 dudes. So, I'm pretty much staying in and waiting to take a boat out to an island tomorrow, at which point I will lay on a hammock and drink some sort of rum-filled concoction. I guess I'm experiencing the "real Belize," but I would really enjoy the fake one at this point. America!
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