I am in terrible drinking shape.

David,

After hearing your tales of debauchery in NOLA, I couldn't resist the urge to hit the sauce a bit myself. And, since last night I had a Skype date set with Logan and Abbie for 2 a.m. Brazil time, I had plenty of time to kill, and a full bottle of cachaca. So, for about four hours, I sat in my room, alternating between reading and playing Secret of Mana, all while drinking coffee mugs full of this Brazilian moonshine. By the time 2 a.m. rolled around, I was good and thoroughly drunk. This was confusing to me, as I'd only consumed about half my bottle. Then I realized that a.) I've been drunk only twice in the past two-plus months and b.) my diet for the day consisted of granola and bananas.

When I went into the main part of the pousada to get ready for my date, I was alarmed to discover that there was no Internet access. The late-shift worker directed me to the lobby computer, where I stared at Skype and tried to figure out how to use it. After 15 minutes, I managed to log in (by this point, my ability to type was almost nonexistent) and could not figure out what was going on for the life of me. This, of course, prompted strings of vulgarity, which of course prompted the late-shift worker to ask me what was wrong (I think). As he only spoke Portuguese, the next five minutes consisted of my pointing at the screen and making angry grunts and occasionally saying "nice fucking Internet," all while he stared at me, totally confused. In the end, technology defeated me, and I stumbled back to my room. I then proceeded to have another cup of cachaca, which I pounded in anger. Then, I laid down, which was a terrible mistake. I'm not sure for how long I'd been asleep when the need to vomit struck. So I jumped up and proceeded to try to open our door to the lawn, which was locked (you need a key to open it--I was obviously past the point of rational thought). So, I stood there like half-moaning "Please just open!" when Katie finally woke up and asked what I was doing. I told her of my intentions. She said "the bathroom is behind you, you know." I responded "...Oh. Yeah."

I got out of bed at 2 p.m. today.